Why is it my fault that you’re an idiot?

So I work at an “auto recycler,” aka junk yard. Seriously, I’m getting tired of stupid people. I know that sounds cliche, but, it’s a never ending battle for me. At my work, people pay $2 to enter the yard and peruse the cars to try to find parts. I remember going to junk yards when I was little and it is nothing like this. We have cars organized by make and we can tell people what rows the cars are in that they’re looking for. Our yard is clean, and for the most part, our customer service is exceptional. Especially when compared to other junk yards. It disgusts me how often people will not go into the yard because they don’t want to pay an entrance fee. Seriously?! It’s TWO FUCKING DOLLARS, people! Get a grip.

The saying, “The customer is always right,” no longer applies in this country. We have become a country filled with fat, lazy idiots who think that the world should be handed to them on a silver platter. Everybody thinks that they’re story is special and they should get a break. Yesterday, one of our customers was parked in a Reserved parking spot for about four hours. The spot has “RESERVED” painted on the ground and a sign by the curb that says, “Reserved Parking, Any vehicle parked here illegally will be towed at the owner’s expense.” So we towed it. When the man finally came out, he became ridiculously irate saying things like, “you’re heartless, I don’t see why it’s a big deal, how is it hurting anything, you should change your rules, you obviously don’t have enough parking for customers, you’re an idiot, you don’t know how to run a business, this is the worst customer service I’ve ever experienced,” etc… we have THREE reserved spots in a parking lot that could probably hold 300-350 cars. When he parked there, we had about 25 other cars in the lot. Obviously he is just a lazy piece of shit who thinks the rules don’t apply to him, and that’s exactly what I told him.

This is the result of a society that caters too much to people who complain, and kids who get trophies for just being on a team. You don’t like this situation Little Timmy, I’m sorry, let me pat you on the ass and change the rules for you so you’re not sad. This is the result of managers and parents not wanting/able to handle confrontation. My manager had to leave the situation because she started crying. What? Are you fucking kidding me? You start crying when a customer gets mad about something in a retail environment? That’s a joke. However, I’m sure she has the same reaction when her kids are upset. And they’re going to grow up to be shit-heads like the asshole I had to tell off because he can’t follow simple instructions on a sign or thinks he’s to good to have to.

So yes, the days of “the customer is always right,” are over. Now it’s, “go fuck yourself, I can’t deal with your stupidity any more.”

Wal-Mart

There are few things that I can say I actually hate. I hate rapists, child molesters, and Wal-Mart. I avoid it at all costs. I drive by two Wal-Marts to go grocery shopping. I am willing to spend considerably more money somewhere else for whatever it is I’m shopping for. Now, I’m not mad at them for putting all the Mom & Pops places out of business, after all, that is the capitalistic way. I just hate being in a place that is always chaotic and filled with angry rednecks who argue in public, people who can’t control their kids, and employees that hate their lives. However, on a Wednesday night, after you’ve had dinner and drinks with some friends and your wife says you need to stop and get a few things on the way home, there’s not many options other than Wal-Mart at 10:30 p.m. So we did just that the other night. We walked in, it wasn’t too busy so I figured it couldn’t be that bad. After grabbing our FOUR items, we headed to the register. And what did we find? Two lines open. Both with about four people in line. Each person with seven thousand dollars worth of groceries and fourteen newspapers worth of coupons. Seriously? We waited in line for TWENTY THREE MINUTES. All I could keep thinking about was what else I’d rather do with those 23 minutes that I’ll never have back in my life: watch a tv show, have some sex, bake a cake, have a root-canal, etc. Now, did anyone in front of us offer to let us go before them with our four items? Of course not. Fuck Wal-Mart.

Osama bin Laden

I feel very torn about the death of Osama bin Laden. My gut tells me to never celebrate the death of another human. No matter how evil that human might have been. At the same time, this man was responsible for the worst attack on Americans in recent history. There are a lot of people celebrating, and I’ll admit, I did as well. My brother and I took a shot of whiskey to the demise of this man. The death of bin Laden will bring much needed closure to thousands of people who lost friends and family in the 9/11 attacks. I understand that at this point, there are many people that hate everything about America and terrorism will probably continue. If nothing else, there will be attacks to prove that Osama was not the only person that can bring misfortune to Americans. Either way, if there is a Hell, I hope Osama bin Laden burns there for eternity.

Why do Chick-Flick’s suck?

So it seems that there’s a new trend in chick flicks. Maybe it’s not a new trend but it’s a trend I just started noticing. And maybe it’s a bit sexist of me to refer to these movies as “chick flicks.” But come on, you know what I’m talking about. Anyways, right now, I’m watching Valentines Day with my wife and our friend. They load these movies up with lots of “big name” actors, this one has the nerdy guy from That 70s Show, Jessica Biel, Anne Hathaway, Jamie Foxx, Ashton Kutcher, that sexy guy from The Hangover, some other hot actress that I recognize but can never name and probably some others that I’m missing. It’s gotta be pretty easy to write one of these movies:

1. There are 3-4 main couples in the movie.

2. One of the guys is cheating on his wife/girlfriend.

3. One of the guys turns out to be a great guy even though you don’t expect it.

4. Two really good friends fall in love.

And for some reason, my wife always falls for this shit. EVERY TIME. Why? I don’t get it.

Fuck College.

That’s right. Fuck School. College might be for some people, but it’s definitely not for me. For example, my wife is a journalist. She absolutely needed a degree for that. Not only did she need a degree, but what she did in school actually prepared her for her career. Somewhat. I also have friends who are engineers. For the most part, they also use stuff that they learned in school. However, like most degrees, the only use for that little paper is to show that you have the stamina to finish 4+ years of college. That is bullshit.

Here’s my story: My parents were all about education. ALL ABOUT IT. They were both teachers for most of my younger years. Later, my dad got into administration. He was a principal of a small K-12 system then a Super-Intendant of a different district. He moved on to work for the state’s Department of Education and is now the Assistant Super-Intendant for a large school district on the west coast. Since my parents were so into school, they pushed my brother and I to always be doing more. I understand that they were just  trying to help, but I got burned out on school pretty severely. I had to take classes every summer, not becuase I was behind, but so I could get ahead. At one point, I was in a small school (13 in my class) and I had finished the curriculum available at that high school so I had to start taking math classes in a long-distance learning environment. If you don’t know what that means, I basically sat in a conference room with TVs  and cameras in front of and behind me and took part in math classes that were being broadcast from a local community college. This is when I was a sophomore. After my sophomore year we moved to a bigger city where I could take AP classes at the high school. I scraped by my last two years of high school by doing the bare minimum. My atittude was just to finish, I wasn’t interested in learning anything.

After graduating from high shcool, I was accepted into a fairly well-reguarded engineering school. I decided to go to make my parents proud. This was the wrong reason to go but it turned out to be a great decision.  The school dorms were full my freshman year so I was forced to find an apartment (damnit!). Through this apartment I made some of the best friends I’ve ever had and still the only group of people that I keep in touch with. However, those people are all very intelligent. By far, the smartest group of people that I’ve ever met. Because of this, they didn’t really need to study much or even go to class. Because I was still in the “I don’t give a shit about school” mindset this was a bad group of people to hang out with. I spent most of my days drinking and playing Mario Kart. Needless to say, I failed my first semester at college. I almost failed my second semester and actually had a pretty decent third semester. However, after that semester I decided that I didn’t want to be an engineer. Something about sitting in an office and staring at a computer all day did not seem appealing to me. I tried a semester at a community college to take some basic classes and see if there was something else I liked that I could continue on with. There was nothing.

I dropped out and started selling cars and working construction and a few other things that college drop-outs do. I met a girl. She seemed to have her shit together pretty well. She graduated college in a mind-boggling 3 1/2 years. She got a job in Idaho on TV and I figured that somebody on TV was probably going to make pretty decent money. Between that and the fact that she put up with my shit and my roomates shit, I figured she was a keeper so I moved to Idaho with her. I was wrong about her making money, but she turned out to be pretty cool so I married her. In Idaho I enrolled at a state school in the education program to be a high school math teacher. Why? I have no idea. I think because I was fairly decent at math and I liked the idea of having summers  and major holidays off. And maybe becuase being a teacher is ingrained in my blood. Either way, I decided that I didn’t want to deal with parents or their shit-head kids so I changed my degree again, this time to Business. While in Idaho, I had several more jobs that people do when they’re college drop-outs. I cut carpet, delivered pizza, worked at a payday loan place, a hotel, and my wife’s tv station. Then I got a job selling life insurance. That job will make anyone want to go back to college. Since my wife was not sure how long she wanted to stay at her current job I thought I would try an online school because I wouldn’t have to worry about transferring or living somewhere long enough to get in-state tuition before re-enrolling. This led me to the University of Phoenix. I like to refer to UoP as the “degree factory.” If you’re not sure what the University of Phonix is, it is a private school that offers classes, mostly in education and business, in online and on-campus forums. The University of Phoenix is where people go if they want to “buy” a degree. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are a lot of people that get a good education there, I just haven’t met any of them or heard of any. Let me tell you why the University of Phoenix sucks:

-First, there are NO admissions requirements.

-Second, the professors are all “experts” in their field. UoP does a great job of finding people who work in the field that they teach. However, just because a person knows how to do something doesn’t mean they know jack-shit about teaching anybody else how to do it.

-Third, 30% of your grade at University of Phoenix comes from “learning teams.” Fuck that. I’m sick of dealing with these god-damned learning teams. In every class that I’ve had, at least 50% of the students in my learning team can’t write a fucking complete sentance. And these are the people that are going to get the same degree I am? How does that make me look? I’ve carried every single learning team that I’ve been on and it’s just not worth it. UoP’s mentality is that you have to work in “teams” in the real world. While that may be true, if some asshole at my job isn’t pulling his weight or has no idea what’s going on, he isn’t going to last long. Not the case at Phoenix. For example, my latest class was RES341, also known as Statistics I. Since everyone failed the final, they had to curve the average up to a “C.” So, everybody in the class ended up passing a class that they should have failed. Now, everybody is in Statistics II but has no idea what is going on, including myself. So, because everybody learned nothing, and failed, everybody passed. Does that seem like a good system to you? This has been my experience in the majority of my classes, both online and on campus. If these people all graduate and are running around the workforce with UoP “degrees” I don’t want to be associated with them.

-Fourth, UoP is fucking expensive.

-Fifth, I’m pretty sure they lied to me when I enrolled about how many classes I had remaining when I started my program with them. They told me 18 when I started and now, 1 1/2 years later, I have 16 classes left. Seriously? WTF.

-Finally, I did two years of a very intense engineering program that included such math classes as Calculus I, II, & III, Physics I & II, Differential Equations and Statics. Now they’re telling me I have to take an Algebra II course because I don’t have enough math & science credits. In what universe does that make sense?

For the first time in my life I’ve realized that I don’t need a degree. About a year and a half ago, I got a job at a junk yard with a really good company. I really enjoyed the work and I believe that it showed because I was able to perform well. This company saw something in me and promoted me several times. After only eight months, I went from being an hourly employee who found a job on craigslist to a mid-level manager responsible for a six-figure monthly budget. This shows me that if I want to succeed, all I need to do is find something that I’m passionate about. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know there are many fields that do require a degree. Nobody can become a doctor or a lawyer just because they really work hard at it. That requires a degree.

Unfortunately, it’s taken me a few years to figure this out and I have the student loans to prove it. I’m not going to regret going to school though because all those different schools and my terrible experience at the University of Phoenix helped me come to this conclusion. I’ll still see those monthly student loan payments as payments towards a lesson learned.

I guess I just wanted to share this with you all in case you are struggling with what you want to do with your future. Don’t just go to college because you have nothing else to do or because you’re not sure what else you can do. Take some time to figure out what you enjoy and see if you can make money doing it. The only exception I would make to this rule would be if somebody else is going to pay for your college. Then, go for it! Just don’t waste your own money if you aren’t sure it’s something you want to do.

It might be corny, but “live well, laugh often, and love much”

the “know-it-all”

Hello all! Thank you for coming back to my blog despite my lack of consistent blogging! I love you guys… So I’ve got a couple of things I’d like to share quickly (quickly because it’s 9 o’clock in the p.m. and it’s passed my bed time). First of all, I’m going to take some advice from a dear friend and tell guarantee you all that I am going to post at least ONE blog a week. I know you’re all very excited. It will be posted by midnight every Sunday. Mountain Time. MDT (not really sure what that stands for, but I know it means mountain time. Which is weird because “mountain time” doesn’t have a “D” in it. Anywho… This means that if you were to visit my blogsite every Monday morning while on the shitter, there should be some ill-fresh, poop-time readin’ material for ya! Secondly, I’m not going to consider myself a regular member of the movie-review-club. However, since I devized an absolutely spectuacular movie-reviewing scale, I will guest-review when I feel the time and/or movie is right. For this, I apologize. I just can’t seem to get it together enough to get the right movie, let alone within the correct time frame. Furthermore, I am going to review something. It’s a book called The Know-It-All by A. J. Jacobs. It appears that Mr. Jacobs is going to read the ENTIRE Encyclopedia Britannica and share with us his thoughts about it. A friend suggested this to me because I consider myself an incredibly smart person who is ALWAYS correct. As soon as I was informed of this book, I grew very angry. Why? Because I didn’t think of it first. It’s a brilliant idea and I wish I’d thought of it. Oh well, best I can do now is write about it! Be ready for my thoughts along the way!

Ta-Ta!

amazing

Does it get any better?

So I witnessed this sweetness with my own two albino eyes and I wanted to share it with you all! I know the image is somewhat crappy but I had only about 3.14159265 seconds to fire up the flash-free camera that my iphone is equipped with before the bike family turned off the road. What’s going on in this picture you ask? This is a family of 5 in ALL MATCHING GEAR on a single bicycle. When I say ALL MATCHING GEAR, I mean: American Flag helmets, spandex (top and bottom), backpacks and shoes. And I’m pretty sure the ol’ stars and stripes graced the frame of this beautiful machine too. The only thing they were missing was a bumper sticker that says “These Colors Don’t Run.” Like this:

But the best part of this picture were the two kids in the back; I’m pretty sure they were crying.

Ta-Ta!

Review Time!

Ok people. So I’ve had a terrible time trying to find Event Horizon. I give up. You’d think that, in a city of almost half a million people, there’d be one stupid copy of that movie. Well, there’s not. So I chose a different movie to review since i know you’re all dying for an albino-movie-review… “what movie did you choose?” you ask, well, I Chose eXistenZ. And, yes, that’s how it’s spelled on the cover. Pretty awsome, right? Correct!

Now you want to know how I chose that movie? Jee Wiz, you’re very nosy! Well, I picked eXistenZ because it was closest to where Event Horizon should have been at the local Hollywood Video. That’s how!

Wow, I just had a very close call involving a Bud Light and my MacBook. This review is NOT getting off to a good start…

Without further ado, your albino-movie-review!

So first impressions are great. anything with jude law and willem dafoe sounds good to me. plus, on the cover of the copy i got, it says, “Makes the Matrix look like Child’s Play.” that’s a pretty serious statement! AND, on the cover, jude law is holding the coolest looking gun anyone’s ever seen.

So the intro credits are really boring. just some music and weird moving images. Apparently eXistenZ is some sort of new video game, but not just a game. it’s a whole new game system. people in this time have some sort of sweet holographic IDs. i want one. the controller for this game looks like a weird unborn fetus with its umbilical cord as a wire to the system. Oh no, some kid just pulled out a moldy, vine-ridden gun and shot allegra (the inventor of eXistenZ)! i hope this is going somewhere. why would someone want to kill a video game designer? in this world cell phones look like light-up balls of play dough. Ted (Jude law) is trying to pull the bullet out of allegra with a swiss army knife. the bullet was actually a tooth. a molar to be exact. oh i see! the gun is made out of flesh and bone to get passed metal detectors! ted was never fitted with a bio-port and that really pisses off allegra. wow, he’s never played any game! jee whiz! allegra just talked ted into getting an illegal, un-registered bio port installed at a gas station in the country at midnight by willem defoe because she needs a “friendly” to go into eXistenZ with her to make sure it (eXistenZ) was not infected (?) during the shooting. hmmmm, allegra is sniffing the gas pump and some sort of two-headed dragon-lizard thing crawled up on it. no explanation. allegra is pissed because ted just panicked and neurosurged in her pod and now she’s locked out of her 38 million dollar game. it was Gas(willem defoe)! gas installed a bad port in ted so he could get the $5M reward on Allegra’s head. don’t worry, Ted bio-ported Gas’ face (it killed him). gross, allegra just stuck her finger in ted’s excited bio-port! finally, we are in the eXistenZ world! “you have to play the game, to find out why you’re playing the game.” allegra’s response to a question of what the goal of the game is. allegra seems like a major slut. did i mention that a bio-port is a hole in your back that goes directly into your spine? it’s gross. not sexy. oh man, ted just tounged allegras bio-port. and apparently that was a que for them to do some bangin. cuz that’s what they’re doin. booby grabin! now all of a sudden ted is on an assembly line at the “Trout Farm” pulling organs out of a frog. ted’s name in the alt world is larry. not very original if you ask me. ted is having a major psychological dilema about what is and isn’t real. me too. now they’re at a chinese restaurant. they ordered the “special” which seems to be a raw version of our aforementioned two-headed bug from the gas station. and ted just made a gun out said creature’s remains. spectacular. disgusting, but spectacular. Ted just pulled his teeth out of his mouth to load the dead-bug-bone-gun. ted just shot the waiter in the face with his tooth-bullets. and now the gun is bleeding. a dog took off with the bleeding dead-bug-bone-gun. and everyone else in the restaurant goes back to eating. this movie is fucking weird. ted was told by “the cashier” that he shouldn’t have killed the waiter. ted’s stumbling around with first-time user anxiety. allegra has a strong  “game desire” to port into a diseased pod in the alt world. she totally shouldn’t have. some guy just came in screaming “death to realism” with a flame thrower in hand and torched the diseased pod. now there’s tons of “spores” flying around. shit, i don’t know. they brought the disease back into their “real” world and it has affected allegra’s pod. and ted’s bio-port. who thinks of this shit? seriously. i wonder if these actors felt stupid during the filming of this flick. oh man the game tricked them into thinking they were back in the real world, but they weren’t! that tricky fuckin game. i don’t actually know if they’re in the real world now or not. honestly, i’m ready for this movie to be over. it would probably be cool if i was watching it with someone else and drinking a TON, but i’m not. now no one knows if they’re in the game or not. and now ted is trying to kill allegra, but she knew he was an assassin and had previously installed a remote detonator in his bio-port just for this occassion.? really? seriously? stupid. you’ve got to be kidding me. we’re back to the beginning of the movie. this was all just a demo of a new game. but then again, maybe not. i’m lost. and it’s over.

well, i guess that was more of a play-by-play than a review. oh, well. what’s done is done. i don’t think i ever want to watch that movie again. unless it’s with someone who has a clue about what is going on. i give it two albino-red eyes very shut. i can’t believe this move had actual big-name actors in it. shit, son.

ta-ta!

movie review delay

So I DO plan on reviewing Event Horizon today. I just have to go to work first. Then, I’m gonna rent it, and review the shit outta it. It will be here tonight!
Ta-Ta

2 albino-red-eyes wide open

Hello Dear Readers! So, I’m joining in a movie-review-blog-club and the very first movie I’ll be reviewing is Event Horizon. I thought I’d go ahead and explain to you kind people the rating method I will use for, well, rating the movies I review! Since I’m a slightly pale-type person, I get a lot of shit from friends about being albino. Which I’m not. But we’ll go with that. I’m not really into the x amount of stars out of ten that other boring critics use. For me, I’m either entertained by a movie, or not. And of the movies I’m entertained by, I’ll either buy it used at Hollywood Video or not. So, I’ll have 3 (THREE) categories:

Category 1- 2 Albino-red-eyes wide shut. This is an absolute terrible movie that I regret seeing SO much, I yearn for the day that time machines exist to take me back to a time before I wasted my life on that movie. Examples include: most musicals and almost anything with Keanu Reeves in it (Speed being an exception.)

Category 2- 1 Albino-red-eye open. This is a movie that I enjoyed watching. Most movies fall into this category. I might even own one or two or a lot of these. Examples include: All Vin Diesel movies, pretty much anything that shows boobs, most comedies and action movies.

Category 3- 2 Albino-red-eyes WIDE OPEN. This is reserved for some real special flicks. Of these movies, I will either buy or wish I had the money to buy them. This is a movie that has extremely good drinking-movie potential, or is actually a pretty decent movie with actual acting and/or decent special effects or zombies. Examples include: All zombie movies, Superbad, and anything with Simon Pegg.

So, dear readers, I hope you look forward to my albino reviews as much as I look forward to creating them. Look for my review of Event Horizon no later than Monday morning.

For now, Ta-Ta!